Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Don't Tell, Don't Tell

Earlier this week, I spilled the beans on my "news" to my blog (and anyone who happens to read it), and I told the lady at the maternity clothing store yesterday, but I am having a really hard time finding the right time to tell people who actually know me. And I'm not sure why.

I guess the shock has still not worn off. And truthfully (right or wrong), I'm feeling a little embarrassed that while I'm perceived by friends and colleagues as someone who is generally in control of her life, this one got away from me big time. And I found out I'm not really in control. So while I am still seeking to find humor in all that.....believe me, the irony is infinite.....I've not yet found a good way to spring the news on others.

Also, I feel like people will be looking at me like 'what is someone your age doing having a baby?'.....And while it shouldn't matter what other people think, it is quite a different reaction than I would get if I were 25. And it's a bit's my first baby, and why shouldn't I be allowed to be as excited about it as someone who is 25? But I feel like people will dampen that excitement with a different reaction, which is so not fair.

I am very pleased with my OBGYN so far. Other than making sure I was aware of some of the stats on older mother births, she treated me as if I were 25 with my first baby. I didn't feel at all like an 'older mom' in there, and I was very pleased by that.

But the other thing is that I still feel it's early and something could happen. The doctor told me that miscarriage is only about a 5% chance after we've seen and heard the heartbeat (as we did on Monday), but I'm still skiddish about getting completely attached to the idea and spreading the news far and wide. Maybe I'm just overly cautious, but right now it feels better to keep it to myself (and the few who know) than it does to shout it to the rafters.

Maybe that will change shortly. I'm starting to get more used to the idea now.


Miss Forthright said...

Isn't it 3 months that you're meant to wait as a rule of thumb before spreading the news? I'm not sure. Either way, if people are your true friends they will be happy for you and supportive. *big hug*

SandDancer said...

Three months is certainly when people here make the announcement but that might just be because that's when the first scan is done in the UK. But you've already had yours, so I think its ok to start telling people.

I can understand you feeling a little embarrased about the loss of control but I doubt anyone else will think about that.

And as for the older mother issue, it happened naturally - its not like you were getting treatment for it.

Glad you are starting to feel a bit excited about him/her.

M said...

Thanks ladies. Your support is truly appreciated. This is such an odd time for me right now.

I had planned to wait 3 months, as I had been reading that the incidence of miscarriage is 25-30% at my age during first trimester. But then the doctor told me after we saw the heartbeat, it's only about 5%. I think what has happened is that technology has allowed the critical scan to come much earlier. I was very surprised at six weeks that we could already see and hear the heartbeat. And I have a first picture of the little tyke - probably the size of a lemon seed at this point, but the little heartbeat is pounding away at 111 beats a minute. Amazing!

So now I'm thinking it's probably just me that's holding me back from telling people -- being extra cautious....I don't want to jinx it. But also, waiting a while longer lets me get a bit more comfortable with it, and I do like having my own little secret for just a little while. Feels like it's just mine for now.

I plan on telling my siblings over Easter when I see them. And I have told my parents -- they are elderly and this has put a real spring back in their step. And at 9 weeks, I have another doctor's appointment. If it still looks good then, I'll probably start to tell the world at that point.

Miss Forthright said...

Aww. You're making me broody.

Caroline said...

Just happened upon your old are you anyway? You should be thrilled, because this is a blessing God has given what if people have their own hangups! How are you feeling so far? Hopefully, you'll have smooth sailing the next 7.5 months. Congratulation, and I'll remember you in my prayers.

M said...

Hi Caroline.

Thanks for your message. I am a year younger than are getting ready to be a, a first time mother.

I do believe it is a gift from God, but the news has just been so shocking...something we didn't plan and would have never expected. It so does not fit into our lifestyle, but you know what -- looks like we'll be doing some rearranging very soon.

I do appreciate your prayers, as my greatest hope for now is "healthy". The statistics on birth defects can be daunting, but worrying about it won't change it, so I'm just not going to. Instead, I'll focus on trying to figure out what we're going to name the little tyke and hope and pray for the best.