Earlier this week, I spilled the beans on my "news" to my blog (and anyone who happens to read it), and I told the lady at the maternity clothing store yesterday, but I am having a really hard time finding the right time to tell people who actually know me. And I'm not sure why.
I guess the shock has still not worn off. And truthfully (right or wrong), I'm feeling a little embarrassed that while I'm perceived by friends and colleagues as someone who is generally in control of her life, this one got away from me big time. And I found out I'm not really in control. So while I am still seeking to find humor in all that.....believe me, the irony is infinite.....I've not yet found a good way to spring the news on others.
Also, I feel like people will be looking at me like 'what is someone your age doing having a baby?'.....And while it shouldn't matter what other people think, it is quite a different reaction than I would get if I were 25. And it's a bit unfair....it's my first baby, and why shouldn't I be allowed to be as excited about it as someone who is 25? But I feel like people will dampen that excitement with a different reaction, which is so not fair.
I am very pleased with my OBGYN so far. Other than making sure I was aware of some of the stats on older mother births, she treated me as if I were 25 with my first baby. I didn't feel at all like an 'older mom' in there, and I was very pleased by that.
But the other thing is that I still feel it's early and something could happen. The doctor told me that miscarriage is only about a 5% chance after we've seen and heard the heartbeat (as we did on Monday), but I'm still skiddish about getting completely attached to the idea and spreading the news far and wide. Maybe I'm just overly cautious, but right now it feels better to keep it to myself (and the few who know) than it does to shout it to the rafters.
Maybe that will change shortly. I'm starting to get more used to the idea now.