Sunday, October 31, 2010

Forgetting Halloween

I forgot about Halloween, about how much I used to love Halloween.  It was my favorite holiday for the longest time.  And then I forgot about it.  Work got too busy, life got too busy; it seemed like a bother every year when it rolled around.  Suddenly it was something that was upon me before I knew it.  It took energy, it took time and thought away from my focus which was work, work, work. 

And what happened this year?  Almost the same thing.  Except I received a dinner invitation from a new friend for Halloween weekend. A small gathering, just 3 couples...yet she suggested activities as if there were more of us....costumes and pumpkin carving....oh what a bother for only 6 of us.  Clearly this girl, who does not work, has too much time on her hands.

Nevertheless, we obliged, went to the gathering, costumed it up, carved pumpkins willingly...admired her passion for Halloween decorating....she had tended to every detail in the house to make it feel like we had walked right into Halloween.  And as it turned out, it reminded me of me when I used to take the time, when I loved the holiday, when I looked forward to it.  It reminded me of how now I just let things go by....things that should be noted and celebrated and cherished...and I just let them blow by without 'wasting' energy or thought on them.  And I decided that I need to stop doing that.  No more.  Things need to be given their props and celebrated passionately.  It's what life is all about.  Otherwise, the days and weeks and months just start to blur and run together, as I skip expending energy on birthdays, holidays and other things that should be of note but haven't been lately.

So thank you to my friend.  Thank you for reminding me that somehow I have lost the person who used to have a passion for these things.  And now is the time to stop myself and figure out a way to get that back.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

In My Room

I'm in the hometown visiting the parental units for a few days, sans husband, sans dog, sans any reminder that I'm not still 17 years old (except perhaps the stray gray hairs and the wrinkles around my eyes). Back in the house I grew up in, back in an old familiar bedroom, one seen through the eyes of a child, a teen, a young adult and now someone older and wiser. *sigh*

It's odd to think about the passage of time, all the water that has drip drip dripped into the ocean of years. When I find myself lying in my old childhood bedroom at night, it almost feels as if time doesn't exist, yet it does.

I think of the thoughts I used to think from this room when I was 10, 14, 17. I wondered what life would bring, what places I'd go and people I'd meet. What I'd be doing later in life, how things would turn out. And here it is, back for a visit to this old room, to report back on the sights and sounds of life. Is there disappointment? Sure. Nothing is as good as anticipation. But I have been to lots of places, met lots of people, seen the world, lived, laughed and found love. I suppose those are the things that really count at the end of the day.

And I do still have my precious parents. Who knows for how much longer. God has blessed me with their presence throughout my life. And here I am once again, escaping the burdens of adulthood for just a few days with them. Indeed, it feels good to be 17 again.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Music from the Cosmos

I'm not sure why, but this weekend, the cosmos seems to be delivering some sort of pensive message to me. Through the random yet constant delivery of old favorite music that I haven't heard in years -- at the gym, in the car, in the coffee shop...pretty much everywhere I've been this weekend -- it seems to be tapping me on the shoulder and reminding me of where I was in my life last time I heard it....and making me wonder how I've ended up in the here and now. Some of it feels good, yet some of it not so good. I do sometimes wonder how I got here and why, and it appears that the universe is placing that question on my plate a lot this weekend. Alas, I do not have a clear answer but will continue to ponder.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

New York, New York (yes, again)

On a more practical note, and the answer to the question of 'Where the Heck Have I Been'.....I've been busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Yes, aren't we all.

My particular brand of 'busy' has involved a promotion at work (new CEO, departure of my boss, new position and title for me, now managing 20-30 people, yikes!), travel across the country, trips between Florida and Dallas, vacations in Key West and New York City (could those be more different?) and visits to South Texas to see the best darn parents on the planet. LOTS going on, almost none of it doable without the invention of air travel and flying machines.

I just returned from another trip to the Big Apple. This one was combination business/pleasure -- business for my husband and pleasure for me. We took friends along, and that always makes it more fun. The men worked while the women walked, walked, walked the City (the best way to see it). (This is highly unusual, because I am the one usually a nice change.) Shopping in the Diamond District (score!) and the wonderful little boutique shops in SOHO (where I could probably spend all day). Over to the Lower East Side for some discount shopping that was a complete waste of time (don't bother with Orchard Street, IMHO). Through Chinatown, Greenwich Village, brunch in Central Park, lunch in Little Italy, dinner at Balthazar, downtown to Ground Zero to pay some respects, a Broadway night of 'Jersey Boys' (fabulous!). I feel like I landed in a tub full of NYC, marinated in it and soaked in as much as possible in 4 days. Fabulous, once again. The City does not disappoint. It is probably my second favorite city in the world, just after London, with Rome not far behind. All so very international and cosmopolitan, so much to see, so much great food to eat (yum!) and such fabulous people-watching. I feel like a citizen of the world when I'm there. Oddly, I feel refreshed when I come back from NYC.

I also just spent some time in downtown Chicago, another great city, another great place to eat and watch people, another center of culture and cosmopolitan activity. But I must say, I never get that NYC feeling there, I just don't.

I often wonder how one tiny island on the Hudson can house one of the world's centers of fabulousness in everything. How did it all land there? How did that happen?

It seems that I never tire of NYC, and I'm not sure why.

Il Dolce Far Niente

It's been another long stretch without visiting the blogosphere - a testimony to the pace of my life -- entirely too busy.

I'm spending the weekend enjoying 'the sweetness of doing nothing'. I just saw 'Eat, Pray, Love', (the film) and disappointing as it was, compared to the book, I did walk away reminding myself to take some time for life's pleasures. This weekend, I've slept in, taken a Saturday afternoon nap, cuddled up on the sofa to watch a movie and lingered over coffee on a Sunday morning. All good things, all important ingredients in doing nothing and loving it. No, not productive, not ticking things off the 'to-do' list, not moving anything forward in any way....just savoring il dolce far niente. *sigh* I need to put that on my 'to-do' list permanently. Why are the Italians so wise? Perhaps wisdom about life comes with thousands of years of living it.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Another One, already?

It's almost here again. The annual turning of the page. The age page. And boy don't I hate that now.

I'm beginning to wade into numbers I really don't like -- and I mean knee deep into them, solidly in the mix. I am too old to be cool and too young to be old. I'm in nowhere's land, and it's not like I can get excited about the numbers ahead of me either.

Yikes. I realize it's better than the alternative, but PALEEZ, somebody slow down the calendar.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Again, I did it again. It's been more than a month since I've been out here posting. Does that tell you what life has been like lately? A complete blurrrrr. I can't believe it's almost April.

Lots has happened since. In a nutshell, the terrible, horrible situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone -- the one that's been going on for almost 3 years -- has finally ended for us. It did not end perfectly, but it ended in a way that was the least onerous for us, and it ended much better than it usually does for people. So I am grateful, very grateful. I feel that God has truly answered prayers. Finally, we can get on with our lives....but not before becoming a bit of a puddle for even just a few minutes. An emotional puddle, an angry one, an elated one, a giddy one, a confused one. Still working through it and trying to pick up and move on. This situation was completely surreal, and I couldn't even believe it actually happened to us. I feel like I've just awakened from a long and harrowing nightmare, and it's going to take me a while to completely wake up and shake it off.

In other dimensions of life, work has been incredibly busy. And I feel another change coming on. Just feels like something's in the air at work. I may be up for a position which could move me to New York City, and I'm terribly excited about that. I've always wanted to live in Gotham, for even just a small while. It's a long shot -- I'm not sure I'm well qualified for the role, but if someone is going to consider me for it, I'm sure as heck going to put on the dog and act like it. The sheer excitement of going to work on Manhattan's 5th Ave is enough to get me motivated. I'm just pumped at the thought of it.

I'm at the Florida house right now - have been here for almost two months. Next week, we go back to Dallas for a couple of weeks. Hate to leave here, as the weather is turning so nice, and I hear there may be more snow in Dallas next week. It just won't stop this year, and I don't want to go there until Spring has definitely sprung.

On the health front, it's been about 10 weeks since my surgery. I'm feeling much better, very much recovered. The anemia is now gone, and my energy is back, and I feel like my old self again, full of zip. Amazing what having enough blood in the system can do for you. I feel like a whole new woman. And knowing I no longer have to face the monthly monster gives me such peace of mind. I can forget about all that now and do whatever I want. Freedom, indeed.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Time Flies

OMG - has it been over a month since I posted something? I think that's probably a record for this blog. My goodness, time has flown. It sailed past the holidays, through January and now into February, almost to Valentines Day, and I haven't had time to post nary a word.

In a nutshell, work has been demanding, recovery from surgery has been ongoing, there's been travel to the Florida house and back, soon to return again. We've had snow again, rain, even a tornado nearby. And mostly, I'm amazed at how quickly the year has gone so far.

It's like a blurr....

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


It will be a slightly different New Year's Eve this year. I'll be spending it recovering from surgery.

As I prepare to lose an organ -- one that's been with me for years, one that was highly valued but underutilized -- I am reflecting on moving into the rest of my life without it. Will I miss it?

I'm banking on 'no'. At my age, I really have no use for a uterus. It did not produce children, will not now produce children and would only be there for the downside now -- all the things that can go wrong with an aging organ.

Still, I'd like to offer a salute to my uterus -- it's been good to me up until these last few years. I could still keep it -- it's my choice, although the doctor recommends removing it. It's just that I simply can't find a good reason to preserve it. Even after removal of the tumor, there can still be issues that hamper my life -- another fibroid, continued bleeding, etc.. So with nothing but downside ahead of me, I've elected to have it removed. Oh, I'll still have my ovaries and all, which is the really important part at this point....but now, I'll never have to suffer through another menstrual cycle again. I'd really like to find a way to be sentimental about that, but I just can't. Thinking about that makes we want to celebrate. I never want to see a maxi pad again as long as I live. I will feel no tug at my heartstrings (or abdomen) as I bypass the feminine protection aisle at the grocery store. None at all.

So as I leave my uterus in 2009 and move into 2010 without it, I don't really have any regrets. I don't regret not using it to have children (I'm still not really a kid person and have probably saved some child a load of childhood misery). Up until recently, it was pretty good to me period after period after period. So I must say 'thanks' to my uterus and give it a big salute as I go off into the wild blue yonder without it. Cheers!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas from the Passenger Seat

Merry Christmas all!

What was seemingly going to be an unspecial Christmas has turned out to be anything but. All things came together to make it a wonderful holiday.

We had planned to spend a tropical Christmas in Florida, but my medical issue kept me close to the doctor in Dallas, waiting on my surgery date. We weren't looking forward to being here but as it turned out, we were in the right place at the right time.

Why? Magic! Brought to us by Mother Nature. We had a white Christmas, something we would have missed if we'd gone to Florida. It snowed all day yesterday, and this morning, there's a beautiful clear blue sky with the sun glistening on the white frosting on the ground. This is so unusual for us. What a sight!

And because of the freak snowstorm, lots of people were stranded and kept from their original travel plans. Today, we are welcoming guests for Christmas dinner that wouldn't normally be here with us today.

So sometimes the best things that happen to you are unplanned. It's nice to sit back in the passenger seat and just enjoy the ride.

Merry Christmas all!