Monday, June 8, 2009

Just Breathe

This is a very big, very stressful next couple of weeks at my house. Some days I can't even eat, I am so anxious. Sleep is almost out of the question. The weight of this thing is making it difficult to breathe. I yearn for the ability to just be a puddle, but I can't. I have go to work every day and function. There is no relief right now, no one to help, nothing to make it better. When the panic comes, all I can do is breathe and offer up a prayer. And no one knows.

5 comments:

Feet In The Earth said...

Oh M, I'm so sorry, times like these are so hard to cope with. I'm only an email away if you want somebody to vent to.
Love N xx

M said...

Thank you. *hugs* M

Girl With The Golden Touch said...

*Hugs* M.

xx

SandDancer said...

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time again. I'm sure you will find the strength to get through whatever it is as you have such amazing positivity and energy normally. But still is there no one in the real world that you can talk with to unburden some of it? Whatever it is, you shouldn't have to cope with it all on your own.

M said...

Thank you all for your kind messages.

This is a terrible personal situation that I can't discuss, and I know of noone else who's even been through it. It's been going on for almost two years, and it's reaching its peak now. A few other people here know about it, but it's one of those things where people don't really know how badly it's affected me, because I don't show it. And most of the time I am functional, so they don't really have a clue.

To you, it must sound like I have multiple personalities. I don't. It's just that some days I can handle it, and some days it feels like too much. I've been among the walking wounded now for far too long.

I have been forced to learn to compartmentalize, because I have to -- I have to be able to put it in a little box and set it aside so that I can function daily. There is no option to fall apart.

My family is supportive, but no one can understand how this feels unless you've been through it, and I really wouldn't wish it on anyone.

It's coming to a peak, and I'm hoping to be through with it before the summer is over, one way or another.