Just when I think men and women have evolved in our relationships to a more modern meeting of the minds and balance of life equity, something comes along....some cultural nothing...that indicates perhaps we have not. This morning's indicator of lack of progress was on one of those stupid Tyra Banks episodes.
I'm very embarrassed to say that I actually exposed myself to this dribble because I was too lazy to get up and find the remote control and change it. Plus, I was only listening with one ear as I sat and answered my work email. Still, I came away shaking my head over what I half paid attention to.
The topic? 7 Ways to Keep Your Lover
Tyra had enticed 7 twenty-something men to come on the show and tell why they had recently broken up with their girlfriends. She then had a panel of so-called 'relationship experts' to expound on the reason provided by the guys. This, purportedly, would highlight the mistakes made by the dumped women and could teach us all a thing or two about how to keep our man. Ahem.
So here are the 7 reasons these guys dumped their ladies, and thus, avoiding this behavior would be the way to keep your man:
1. 'She withheld sex from me.' When they'd had a big fight, when he'd done something wrong, when she was feeling hurt or not pleased, she refused him a little something-something. Um....Okay. Wow. So let me get this straight. Even if he treats me badly, disrespects me, makes me feel like crap, stomps all over my feelings, I'm supposed to pop open wide and let him go at it. Really? Even if my resulting lack of desire for him is due to emotional duress (and not a punishment strategy), I'm just supposed to lay back and keep him happy. Well apparently so, because all of the so-called 'experts' agreed. The rule? No matter what, don't go without sex for two weeks. The guy has every right to bolt if that happens.
Wow. Score 1 for men, bigtime zero for the progress of women. I thought that women had started to move out of the dark ages where it actually mattered to men that there was emotional participation along with the sex. Now I hear, even from the experts, that this truly does not matter. It's the Nike philosophy. JUST DO IT.
2. 'She was too clingy.' The girlfriend moved from Florida to NYC to be with him, they had a baby, and now, when he wants to disappear at night for 4 or 5 hours to party with the guys, she either doesn't want him to go or wants to go with him. Um, do I even have to expand on what's wrong with this picture? And once again, our panel of experts agreed -- she definitely needs to give him his space.
3. 'She wouldn't clean up my stuff.' Apparently the poor bloke worked all day (and so did she, by the way), but it would have just been the sexiest thing ever if she'd done those dishes that were stacked up in his sink. Again, the experts agreed.
4. 'She didn't trust me.' Well if he'd aligned with 1-3 above, I can see how #4 would happen.
5. 'She was boring.' This guy didn't like the same old thing all the time. He wanted a woman to surprise him with fun and excitement as often as possible. Yes, the experts agreed -- it was definitely this woman's fault that they were in a rut. Dump her.
6. 'She wanted me to be her wallet.' This poor guy had a girlfriend who was just too into him having some money. Wow. A woman concerned about financial security. Amazing! What a concept! Let's see....traditionally, I think this has been the trade-off across the centuries. He gets regular sex; she gets financial security. Yes, yes, that's the unvarnished version of what marriage was about before "love" took over....but apparently this guy is shocked by that. He wants the regular sex (two-week rule, you know), but she can pay her own way. ha! Good luck with that. Women are just lining up for men like this one.
7. 'She wasn't confident enough.' She agreed with him too much. And he wants a woman who speaks her own mind. Oh, yes, I'm so sure. And the minute she overrides him or puts her needs above his, he'll be crying some of the 1-6 above. PALEEZ.
So that's it. That's why these pencil dicks dumped their girlfriends (and apparently, this is how you can avoid such ugliness...).
And all I can do is be glad I'm not out there in the single world, trying to find a decent guy to date or marry. Wow. The de-evolution of women in modern relationships is simply astounding to me. But what's more shocking is the 'agreement' by the 'experts'.
What the hell is going on out there? Geez!