Parental Alienation is a Crime

There's some news making the headlines that hits quite close to home in my family - the topic of Parental Alienation (via the Alec Baldwin mess).

I'm not a big fan of Mr. Baldwin's politics or his temperamental antics, but on this issue, I can relate and sympathize.

My brother, one of the most gentle and kind men I know, has been going through the nightmare of parental alienation for more than five years now.

His marriage broke up after nine years and two children. During the marriage, my brother was the "attentive" parent -- the softball coach, the guy who went to Indian Princess with his daughter, the tee-ball leader, and on and on. His wife, who had been married before and raised two other children now out of the nest, was the "absent" parent - never attended the softball games, didn't take interest in the kids' activities, and pretty much did nothing for them, declaring to my brother during the marriage that she had already had "her kids" and these were really "his kids".

After the breakup of the marriage, the kids continued to see their father on a regular basis, even spending 'extra' time with him above and beyond what the court ordered, and things seem to be going okay, as well as they could go in the wake of a marriage break-up. The kids still continued to see all of us -- aunts, uncles, grandparents - whenever possible, and relationships were amicable all the way around.

After a while, my brother started dating a woman and became engaged to her later on, and this seems to coincide with the timeline where the trouble really began.

Without going into great detail, the tone of the relationships changed with an event where one of the children (who is ADHD) threw a temper tantrum, leading to the exes becoming hostile with each other during the situation. While the event ended without incident, my brother's ex wife chose to blow up the situation into a huge deal and decided to use it as an opportunity to alienate my brother from his children. And it's only spiralled downward from there.

For over five years now, my brother (and the rest of us) have been alienated from the children completely. He pays full child support but is not able to see them. His ex has taught the children to fear and hate him (and us). They have gone from freely spending time with all of us to hating and fearing us, for absolutely no reason other than the spite and hatred spewed by their mother.

During the last five years, my brother has been through two lawyers, three judges, countless court hearings, years of counseling sessions (with and without the children), close to $100,000 in legal fees (which he cannot afford), and years of heartache and lost time with his children, all to no avail. Nothing has changed.

He's done everything the court has told him to do. His ex wife has done nothing the court has told her to do. But the courts will not enforce any judgement on her. She's been in contempt of countless court orders, and the judges won't do anything about it. At this point, she knows they won't, so she stands in court and agrees with the judge, then walks out and does none of it....and gets away with it every time.

In the meanwhile, the children have grown from being 8 and 10 to becoming teenagers. Soon, the eldest one will be graduating from high school. And my brother has missed all of it, all the while writing an expensive child support check into a black hole each and every month.

And it's not just his loss. Grandparents have lost grandchildren in all this; as an aunt, I have lost a niece and nephew forever. Since I have no children of my own, they were particularly important to me. Our side of the family has lost two precious members that we will probably never get back. The worst part is that they live across the city from us. I can drive to their house in 20 minutes, but we are unable to see them. We've tried, but their mother has taught them to hate us, and they now refuse to see us.

We've sent endless birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, cards, checks, letters, you name it, only to find out that they are thrown in the trash as soon as they arrive.

On Monday, there is another court hearing to ask the judge to once again enforce its judgment on the mother, who has failed to do what the court told her to do over a year ago. I feel certain it will once again result in nothing. She won't be made to do anything, and once again we will have all wasted our time.

I cannot begin to describe the heartache and frustration the family has gone through in losing these children, all because of the vile hatred of their mother. My brother is more than heartbroken, and no one will help him. Not the courts or the judges or the counselors or anyone. It is monumentally unfair. Something needs to be done about Father's rights, and I can only hope that Alec Baldwin's situation helps to shine a light on it. He is an unlikely hero for me, but at this point, we're looking for anyone or anything that can help, because the Texas courts won't.

Parental alienation is a crime against everyone involved, but mostly against the children, who are hurt the most by it.

Le Artiste at Work

Nature's surprises are often so beautiful.

These were taken on Easter Sunday in Central Texas, where the bluebonnets bloom only in the spring, and it almost never snows, especially in the spring. So this beautiful palette is brought to you by Mother Nature, as only She can paint it. Simply gorgeous.

Enjoy.

Speech Impairment

There's been a lot of focus in the culture here lately on what people say in public forums. From Don Imus being fired from a 30+ year broadcasting career for uttering stupid, disrespectful, unneccessary comments on air to Rosie O'Donnell leaving 'The View' under questionable circumstances and under fire for her outrageous, overblown opinions.

Whenever things like this happen, those in the line of fire quickly run to hide behind "free speech" as a defense for saying anything they please. They claim that we live in a country where anyone can say anything they want without fear of retribution or losing their jobs or having their record sales (or whatever else they pedal) go south... And when they get a negative public reaction to their over-the-top comments or opinions, they're just 'apalled' that people would react that way. After all, we have "free speech", don't we?

Yes, we do have free speech, but that claim is one of the most used and abused reasons cited on the planet as a defense for saying any darn thing anyone pleases, and I'm pretty sick of it.

Yes, we have free speech. Tecnically, it means we can say anything we want. But it doesn't mean we SHOULD say anything we want. And why is it that we suddenly want to say all these things that we probably shouldn't? When did that happen? What has happened to our culture?

We've had free speech here for over 200 years so why suddenly do we feel the urge to pull out all the stops and say so many things that cause us to constantly run and hide behind the First Amendment? What ever happened to "self-editing"? When did we lose our ability and/or will to do that? And why? Weren't we just a little bit better as a society when people actually thought before they spoke and considered the impact of their words on the rest of us?

Even though free speech provides the ability to 'say anything', it still requires us to be responsible in what we say, particularly in public forums. You can't scream "fire" in a crowded theatre, because that would be irresponsible. You can't encourage people to go out and 'shoot the president' because it's highly likely that some fool will then go and do that. Free speech does not absolve you of the requirement to speak responsibly, especially in a public forum where you may have undue influence on those who hear your words.

And I'm so tired of the 'other defense' -- that he/she's a comedian; they say controversial things, and it's okay. Well, not in my book. You don't get a pass because somebody out there thinks you're funny. You still need to play by the rules of healthy society. I don't care how funny you are. Your words have impact, and you need to consider what that impact might be on even the least of us out there.

So in speech, who gets to decide what's over the line? That's always the question, isn't it? What's indecent? What's disrespectful? What's okay?With the general degradation of the morals of society, with the rampant disrespect for authority of late, with the rise of the 'shock jocks', with the gangsta rap overflowing on the air waves, I don't think we can trust anyone to tell us that. But here's some general thoughts I think we should consider in both our speech and general behavior:

Is it something the uplifts society? Does it move forward the human condition? Does it have the ability to inspire us to something more? Does it promote the good in us, rather than the bad? Is it what we want to plant in the minds of our children? Are we better for having said it? Are we better for having heard it?

These are things we should be striving for, not the "shock" value of what we CAN say, but the inspirational value of what we SHOULD say.

Booted

Looks like the sympathy vote has run its course, and Heather Mills finally got the boot from 'Dancing with the Stars' earlier this week.

Now maybe the "charity organizer" will go home and stay there. But I'm betting not. She likes the limelight too much. Maybe she'll stick around and become the next 'Bachelorette'. We haven't yet had one with a prosthetic leg and a $60M divorce prize. Could be fun. :)

Beauty is Magazine Page Deep

People Magazine released its "100 Most Beautiful People" issue today. Alas, once again, I'm not in it. *sigh*

On the cover this year? Drew Barrymore.

My reaction? ho-hum. Must be a slow 'beautiful' year.

And by the two-minute television report on it this morning, it sounds like they just regurgitated all the same beautiful people from last year, shuffling them like a deck of cards.

I have to think life is a real bitch today for that unfortunate beautiful person sitting at #101.

Life Perhaps, but Intelligent?

Big news from the cosmos -- scientists have discovered a potentially habitable planet 5 billion years away. It's the most evidence we've seen that there may be life - just like us - out there somewhere. It's got the same climate as Earth, water and gravity. And the really powerful telescopes have revealed several Starbucks locations, a Subway and a McDonald's drive-thru already operating at full tilt. :)

A Pulse and a Vote

I'm convinced more than ever that people should have to take a knowledge test before they're allowed to vote in a national election.

Just saw research poll results that after seven years in office, more than 31% of Americans do not even know who the current U.S. Vice President is (Cheney). Less than half know who the current Speaker of the House is (Pelosi), and only 29% can name the Senate Majority Leader (Reid).

It seems grossly unfair and extremely dangerous that a vote by someone who is informed and attentive to the real issues confronting this country can be cancelled out by the vote of an uninformed idiot who has no clue what's going on.

I propose that before we're allowed to go the ballot box on election day, everyone ought to be forced to take a 10-question test about current events. If you can't pass the test, you can't vote. Go home and read a newspaper and come back and try again in four years.

Imagine the howlings of the ACLU, the 'politically correct', the 'victim' lobby and the liberal left over this one. Actually requiring voters to have a brain and not just a pulse to pull the lever. What a concept.

By the way, even that's stretching the current requirements a bit. Right now, in some elections, a pulse is purely optional.

Eat Crow, Sheryl

Enough already.

Unless you are an educated, experienced fully qualified practicing scientist who is a trained expert in this field....then shut the F* up!

I am so sick of celebrities spouting their "global warming" expertise to all of us mere mortals out here (aka 'the little abusers'), I'm ready to emit more than just some excess carbon. Geez!

The latest? Reknowned global warming expert and celebrated scientific environmental genius Sheryl Crow is now instructing us to 'wipe' with a single square of toilet tissue when nature calls. Apparently, we can save the entire planet and all of mankind if we just learn to squeeze the Charmin one little square at a time. She's proposing a 'limitation on how many squares of toilet tissue can be used in any one sitting'.

Oh this is choice! I can just imagine the enforcement phase of that. You're in a stall, doing your business and uniformed 'tissue patrol' enters to inform you that you've exceeded your one square limit. "Sorry, m'aam. You'll just have to do the drip-dry dance now. Oh, and don't think of wiping with the citation I'm about to issue you either. Carry on, learn to wipe efficiently next time, and thanks for saving the planet. We owe you one."

Well, hey, Sheryl, go ahead. Ration the tissue. Heck, re-use it if you can figure out how to do that. But at my house, I don't think this is how we're going to be saving makind. Not in my lifetime, anyway.

By the way, this morning I read about how Sheryl Crow 'saves the planet' each day on her very important concert tour across the country....she only needs three tractor trailers, four buses and six cars for entourage when she performs. Oh, and apparently, only one square of toilet paper.

Time to eat some crow, Sheryl.

Life Imitates Art?

It's odd how often this happens -- something significant makes news headlines and then, as if in joint step with the news, as if it knew something ahead of time, Hollywood eerily brings something similar to us in the form of entertainment, filmed PRIOR to the real-life event.

It's the final season of one of the best shows ever on TV, "The Sopranos", and at my house, we're eagerly watching to see what becomes of Tony and the gang after all these seasons.

Last night's episode was a bit eery to me. This particular show followed the activities of Uncle Junior in the mental/prison hospital and the new relationships he has built there. One new ally, a young mentally disturbed Asian man, could not help but bring to mind the recent VTech killer. Towards the end of the show, the young man snapped and violently attacked Uncle Junior in a clearly disturbed mental state.

While none of this is a reflection on young Asian men in general, I couldn't help but notice the eery similarity of it -- the actor's physical attributes (build, haircut, age, etc.) were very similar to that of the VTech killer. And his mental state and hostility towards others clearly brought Cho to mind for me.

While I'm sure the story line and the selection of a young Asian male in this role were purely coincidental, the timing of it all was just eery. A week after the VTech killings, television' s top show airs an episode in which a young, mentally disturbed Asian man snaps (albeit on a smaller scale). Still, it seemed strangely topical, especially for something that must have been written and filmed months ago.

Maybe we should look ahead and see what Hollywood is working on for future release. It might just tell us something about what's next in the headlines.

The Other Henry

I've always been interested in history and historical figures, so I tuned in recently to the new Showtime series , "The Tudors" starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII. Based on the royal court in Tudor England, it's basically a soap opera with a historical backdrop. Heavily laden with the seven deadly sins (and all the more riveting because of it) and despite a bare breast count that's now off the charts, it's actually pretty good. Beautiful people in (and frequently out of) beautiful costumes and the romance of history make it a fairly entertaining hour each week, racy as it may be.

One actor who, for me, is upstaging the main star (Meyers) is Henry Cavill (pictured above). I've never seen him in anything before this, but I must say that he makes one fine 1st Duke of Suffolk. He's hot, and the whole 'knight' type persona works for him, big time. I am surprised he's not a bigger star already, and I won't be suprised if he comes out of this as a major heart throb. (Gosh, he's only 23....I'm feeling so Mrs. Robinson right now....) :)

Historically, the show is interesting to watch because the characters, major events and settings (Whitehall Palace, Tower of London, etc.) are all real, even though the personalities and daily antics are purely speculative. Who knows what they were all really like? We can only imagine, and the script writers have done a fairly decent job of doing so.

But it is fun to read about the real historical characters as you watch the show. For example, Henry Cavill's character, Charles Brandon, was actually the grandfather of Lady Jane Grey, who reigned for nine whole days in 1553. And his father was killed on the battlefield by Richard III when Charles was a child. Interesting stuff all, if you are a history buff.

I do wonder if the real Charles Brandon was this hot. I doubt it, because if he was, Henry VIII would have probably had him beheaded. He didn't seem the type to enjoy being upstaged in his own court by a real hottie.